When Your Ass Forgets

6 12 2012

I told you guys that my trainer is having me touch my butt to the wall to strengthen my demented glutes. No, not demented…what’s the word? Alzheimer’s.

Sorry, I just got done with my work out. I’m a little loopy.

Amnesia. That’s what Killpundit called it. Gluteal amnesia. Basically our butts have forgotten how to do butt business. I’m not talking about defecation, though many of us have forgotten what that’s supposed to be like, too. But what with sitting at desks and sitting in traffic and America’s Next Top Model marathons, our butts no longer remember how to butt.

My butt was further traumatized by the whiny crap I mentioned in my last blog post, which I won’t even link because eww, whining. Since I did not believe in my ability to unfall, I could not perform even bench assisted squats properly. So he had me do an exercise where I literally just touch my butt to the wall. And I told you people about this. But you didn’t believe me. Why didn’t you believe me?



He texted me to do 3 sets of 30 butt touches to the wall. It’s there in writing, people. And this is how people with fibro can learn to walk & sit & squat &, more importantly, back that ass up again.

My trainer is a god.

I also did other things too. I can now say stuff like “I blasted my biceps, lats, pecs, triceps, traps, delts, glutes, quads, & hams.” And I don’t even want the extra calories I’m allowed to have. And I don’t want carbs.


Well, maybe in a month I’ll post progress pics & you can tell me.

Excuse me while I go have, on purpose, a whey protein shake.