It BURNS!

29 05 2012

Sometimes you are actually sick with a sick-making thing, like the flu. Or Lyme Disease. Or mesothelioma. I just wanted to say “mesothelioma”. Once you’ve ruled all that out, yes, Virginia, you’re in flare.

It started in the grocery store on the way home from a long holiday shift at work. I was fine, just trucking along all day, & then somewhere between corn tortilla selection & being confused by non-dairy ice cream treats, I realized I was off. Like ya do.

By the time I had pulled into our little subterraneanish garage, I knew I could no longer drive. I might as well have swallowed a bottle of Benedryl.

Thoughts go through your head. “Do I have the flu? Is this some weird supermarket virus? Am I Patient 0? OMG did that creepy bag boy drug me?!” And then you’re like, “Dude, don’t be stupid. You have fibromyalgia.”

Long story shortened, I was in bed by 8:35, which is weird for me, asleep by 9:05 (super weirder) and awake at 5 AM (Mayan prophecy time). I also felt…huh…sunburned.

I checked my back in the mirror, as I could clearly see my arms & trunk were not burned. No, no redness, no rash, no dryness. Just my usual silky smooth apocalyptic paleness. I took a shower & this eased the pain a bit. The moment I was dry, it came back hard. It continued throughout the work day. I kept checking to see if redness had developed. Nope; I was and remain white as a Radiohead fan.

I did notice during the day that my right arm was sore & not really working. My neck was also kinda screwy. But I didn’t have my usual muscle pain that comes with flare.

Oh, I also got lost on the way to work. I’ve driven the same route for over two years, but I pretty much know I’m in flare when I see landmarks I’ve known for ages and they seem horrific and foreign to me. I still got there on time despite being convinced I missed a turn.

I didn’t really overdo it at the grocery store, & my “long workday” was just two hours more. I don’t think that caused the flare. I have had a lot of stress lately. I’ve returned almost full time to my old job & taken up listening to people’s problems again, which is no biggie except that everyone else got used to me having more time for them for nearly a month & I receive constant complaints about one thing or another from friends & associates. I’m also watching people around me go kinda weird, which would be worrying if I worried. No matter how calmly I handle it, though, my body finds a way to process it. And today, it burns.

This is a transition period & not all of it is bad. Some of it is in fact phenomenally good. Some of it is a damn relief. My brain, though? My brain is all “Like, we’ve been talking, Nerves & me, & we, like, literally cannot handle what you’re putting us through right now. K? For serious.” My faith in God is strong & I don’t get carried away with other folks’ drama. I evaluate each piece of info I encounter, check it against reality, and not one of them has caused me to panic.

My body, however, is overloaded by other people’s reactions to me not reacting.

I think it’s getting better maybe.

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3 responses

5 08 2012
Purple Law Lady

Looks like it’s award season again! As such, since your blog is so inspirational and encouraging,I have chosen to nominate you for an award called the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award.

To check it out and accept, click on http://fibromodem.wordpress.com/2012/08/06/awards-season/ (after 10.30am Melbourne time tomorrow – I like to schedule my posts: Sorry!)

Congratulations!

6 08 2012
Salina

Yer too funny! I love your blog!

I discovered that corn and sugar and dairy cause flares for me. Day after I eat one of those things, I wake up feeling like I was beat up and barely able to drag myself out of bed.
First I cut out dairy. I stopped getting colds and flus and I lost 10 pounds.
Getting rid of sugar (in all it’s sneaky forms – it has to be the 5th ingredient or even further down the list now) greatly reduced my pain levels, but not if I ate corn. Corn was super hard to give up. It was a staple in my diet because other grains gave me horrible gas, which destroyed my quality of life. (That there is some serious flatulence.
Stress is the other top flare-causer for me.

There are other things I discovered I can’t eat, such as soy and potatoes. And legumes (beans). Thank goodness for the paleolithic diet fad/community because now I’m not alone in avoiding dairy, sugar, grains and legumes and in eating lots of meat (because it’s the only thing that keeps my blood sugar up and even).
It took me so long to figure myself with this condition out.
Now I make no apologies for how I am. How I am is perfectly natural. I am able to function very well when given freedom and flexibility and allowed to move at my own pace. I don’t fit into the rigid parameters of ‘normal’ anymore. Many people find that inconvenient. F— ’em and to h— with normal!

6 08 2012
kelliejane

Sugar makes things so much more complicated, doesn’t it?

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